Total Isms in the database:
1439
1439
Housisms for episode Kids:
During an meningitis outbreak which overwhelms the clinic, House is drawn to a single patient: a 12-year-old whose symptoms don't quite match everyone else's. House, Foreman, and Chase must devise ingenious ways and locations to treat the girl's delicate condition in the middle of the chaos, and make an unexpected discovery. Meanwhile, House asks Cameron to come back to her job but she has one requirement that he might not be able to meet.
Dr. Cuddy: Dr. House! Need you here.
House: Sorry, lots of sick people--might catch something.
House: (To Cuddy) If it turns out she has Meningitis, you're right, you win. But if we go back downstairs and she dies, pfft... your face will be so red!
Dr. Spain: Wow. I thought you'd be the last person to have a problem with nonconformity.
House: Nonconformity, right. I can't remember the last time I saw a twenty-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker. You want to be a rebel? Stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does and get a haircut. Like the Asian kids who don't leave the library for 20 hour stretches, they're the ones who don't care what you think. Sayonara.
Dr. Wilson: So should I go through all the resumes looking for Asian names?
House: Actually, the Asian kids are probably just responding to parental pressure, but my point is still valid.
Dr. Spain: You into music?
House: Totally. What kind of music do you play?
Dr. Spain: Um, mostly blues, you know. James Cotton, some original stuff.
House: Oh, dude. You are so hired.
Dr. Spain: Really?
House: Not a chance.
House: (toilet flushes) Hey! You know what a hemorrhoid is?
Kid: No.
House: Well, Google it. And try some Raisin Bran instead of the donuts.
Dr. Foreman: Who would poison a twelve-year-old?
House: Well, let's see now, there's the eighteen-year-old has-been that she beat out to make Nationals, the has-been's parents, jealous siblings, sociopathic swim fan, and then there's just your plain old garden variety whack job.
House: Good lord, are you having a bowel movement or a baby?
Dr. Wilson: You should just fire Chase.
House: What, and miss out on all this fun?
Dr. Wilson: So you're going to torture him for a while and then fire him? That's cold.
House: You don't think he has it coming?
Dr. Wilson: Hey, I said fire him.
House: That's cold. All he did was save his job.
House: Take these, go home, talk to your daughter.
Female Patient: What?
House: Your pants, your blouse, your scarf are all freshly dry cleaned. Everything except your jacket, it's got a smudge on it. Probably two days old. Which means you didn't know the jacket had been worn. So either your husband is a cross-dresser or your daughter has been borrowing your clothes without telling you. Probably wants to look older to get into bars.
Female Patient: I don't have a daughter.
House: Next!
House: (reading thermometer) 102. You win a trip to the second floor. Next!
House: Pregnancy cause all kinds of chemical and biological changes in a woman's body. Or a girl's body, as the case may be. In extremely rare cases, everything goes haywire. It's called TTP. Blood starts clotting like crazy, clogs the vessels in your brain and kidneys. Red blood cells end up getting shredded as they squeeze past the clot like a fat guy in a crowed bar. I'm sure you know what that's like. You're only 12, but you're all grown up, right? Travel on your own, hang out in hotel rooms getting room service with your teammates, maybe someone sneaks in a couple of beers, you start playing spin the bottle... next thing you know you're waking up in nothing but your socks.
House: If you're old enough to bleed out of your vagina, obviously you're old enough to handle a simple thing like an abortion without Mommy and Daddy's help.
Dr. Chase: It could be bone cancer.
House: You're up to the B's... Congratulations.
Third Applicant: I called to confirm the interview this morning.
House: Do you figure if you keep arguing, I'm going to cave, admit it's all a lie, and hire you?
Mrs. Carroll: What does TTP stand for?
House: Some really big words that you've never heard before, and when we're done you'll never hear again.
House: We're missing something.
Dr. Chase: What?
House: If I knew that it wouldn't be missing.
House: You Jewish?
Dr. Gilmar: Yeah.
House: Is it true what they say about Jewish foreplay?
Dr. Gilmar: Two hours of begging?
House: I heard four.
Dr. Gilmar: Well actually I'm only half-Jewish.
Dr. Cuddy: You, in the lobby, now.
House: I hurt my leg; I have a note.
Dr. Chase: When I was in med school I had this old professor...
House: Who touched you in the naughty place?
Dr. Cuddy: What are you doing?
House: (holding a folder in front of her chest) Trying to think of anything except the produce department at Whole Foods.
Dr. Cuddy: I am working - it got hot. Stop acting like a 13-year old.
House: Sorry, you just don't usually see breasts like that on deans of medicine.
Dr. Cuddy: Oh, women can't be heads of hospitals? Or just ugly ones?
House: No, they can be babes. You just don't usually see their fun-bags.
House: Cameron is so not perfect.
Dr. Wilson: Well, nobody's perfect.
House: Mother Teresa?
Dr. Wilson: Dead.
House: Angeline Jolie?
Dr. Wilson: No medical degree.
House: Now who's being picky?
Dr. Wilson: (The shoes) were Prada - means she has good taste.
House: They were not Prada. You wouldn't know Prada if one stepped on your scrotum.
Dr. Wilson: My advice is much more subtle; stop being an ass. You always find some tiny little flaw to push people away.
House: Now it's people? I thought we were talking about fellowship applicants.
Dr. Wilson: You have a history of this.
House: Well, when I do decide to push you away, I hope there's a small person kneeling behind you so you fall down and hurt your head.
Dr. Cuddy: You just don't want to deal with the epidemic.
House: That's right. I'm subjecting a 12-year old to a battery of dangerous and invasive tests to avoid being bored. (everyone stares) Okay, maybe I would do that, but I'm not.
House: I saw the light on.
Dr. Cameron: It's daytime.
House: Yeah, it's a figure of speech. Always so literal.
House: Vogler is dead.
Dr. Cameron: What? What happened?
House: Again with the literal translation. Vogler the idea. Mr. Destructo. Mr. Money Bags. Bow down before me. He's gone from the hospital. Things can go back to the way they were.
Dr. Cameron: The way they were was kinda weird.
House: Ehh -- weird works for me.
House: (viewing intestinal pictures) I think I've seen this one. The ending is kinda dark.
House: Do what the guy who didn't specialize in neurology said.
Dr. Chase: It was my idea!
House: Eh-eh-eh.
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