Housisms : Three Stories

Housisms for episode Three Stories:

House's ex-girlfriend Stacy Warner returns -- not for House but to get help for her ailing husband. While House decides whether or not to take her case, Cuddy forces him to present a lecture to a class of medical students. As he weaves the stories of three patients who all present with a similar symptom, House gives a lecture the students will never forget.

Caring Student: It's the patient's call.
Rebellious Student: The patient's an idiot.
House: They usually are.

Stacy: God, you're an idiot.
House: I think I'm more of a jerk.

House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.

Stacy: Did you think I wasn't going to get married?
House: Not to someone so poorly endowed. This guy's pancreas is pathetic.

House: I'll do the lecture for four hours off clinic.
Dr. Cuddy: Two. I know you'd rather spend a couple of hours listening to yourself than listening to patients.

House: (about a lecture) I'm not doing it. (leaves, then stops) You're supposed to stop me. Renegotiate.
Dr. Cuddy: Hmm, and you were supposed to keep on walking. Sorry, I guess we both screwed up. Go on, do it again.

House: (to Keen Student) I saw the way you were looking at Carmen. She's mine, stay away.

Stacy: You're in pain; you're not thinking clearly.
House: That's why I need the damn morphine!

House: (describing a case) And C... (cut to a mini-golf course) ...we've got Carmen Electra. Golfing.
Keen: Whoa, you treated the Baywatch chick?
House: The Baywatch thespian. And no, I've gotta disguise the identity of each of the patients and I got tired of using the middle-aged man. Carmen seemed like a pleasant alternative. Also, she's apparently quite the golfer.

House: I like my leg. I've had it for as long as I can remember.

House: (walking away from the class) Can you still hear me?
Rebellious Student: No.
Caring Student: A little.
Keen Student: Not really.
House: If you can't hear me, how do you know what I asked?

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