Total Isms in the database:
1958
1958
Housisms for episode Autopsy:
Dr. Wilson convinces House to take the case of one of his patients, a young girl with terminal cancer who starts suffering from hallucinations.
House: I'm taking a sick day.
Dr. Cuddy: Take some Claritin.
House: Everyone's a doctor suddenly.
Dr. Cuddy: You're actually talking about killing her.
House: Just for a little while, I'll bring her right back.
Dr. Cuddy: Oh, well, in that case go ahead. Why are we even talking?
House: True. Cardiac tumor was benign.
Dr. Wilson: That's impossible.
House: Statistically.
Dr. Wilson: Oh shut up. If the tumor's benign that means it did not cause her hallucinations.
House: That's why I'm mentioning it.
Dr. Wilson: So the tumor is a coincidence.
House: This is bad; you're starting to state the obvious.
Dr. Foreman: That CT shows no meningial involvement.
House: True. Get a tox screen and MRI.
Dr. Foreman: We can do that if you want to ignore what we just discussed.
House: Sounds good.
Dr. Chase: If she's never kissed a boy, it's a fair bet she's never had sex.
House: Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth.
House: Union rules. I can't check out this guy's seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch.
Dr. Wilson: What's your problem?
House: These cancer kids. Can't put them all on a pedestal. It's basic statistics. Some of them have got to be whiney little fraidy cats.
Dr. Wilson: You're unbelievable!
House: If there's not one yellow-belly in the whole group then being brave doesn't have any meaning.
House: (discussing Andie's heart surgery) Chase, I want you there. I don't like reading surgeon's reports. They're boring.
Dr. Chase: I'm not really sure I should be spending more time with her.
House: She'll be unconscious. You'll be safe.
Dr. Chase: She's had one hallucination. Why are we operating on her? Why are we risking her life?
House: Because Wilson thinks it would be nice to give the girl a year to say goodbye to her mommy. I guess maybe she stutters or something.
Dr. Foreman: (listening to Andie's echo-cardiogram) What are we trying to hear?
House: A tumor.
Dr. Chase: They tend to keep quiet on account of them not having any mouths.
Dr. Chase: (listening to Andie's list of treatments) If it were me, I'd just stay home and watch TV or something and not lie here under a microscope.
House: Don't worry. If anything happens to you, nobody's gonna lift a finger.
Dr. Wilson: And not that it matters, but if you fix whatever's going on in her head, you give her maybe another year. Long time for a nine-year-old.
House: No. It'll just fly by.
House: You did it, didn't you? You kissed her.
Dr. Chase: It...it wasn't sick. It was one kiss for a dying girl! One small...one small kiss before she dies. (Foreman and Cameron turn away shocked) Thank you.
House: That's exactly why you can't touch my markers!
House: I'm not going to kiss you, no matter what you say.
Andie: It's sunny outside. You should go for a walk.
House: Not much for the long walks in the park. Git.
House: (Andie) genuinely is a self-sacrificing saint, whose life will bring her nothing but pain, which she will stoically withstand, just so that her mom doesn't have to cry quite so soon. I am beside myself with joy.
Dr. Cameron: Whoa, you're letting me touch the markers?
House: It's written down in my advanced health care directive. Should I be incapacitated in any way you run the board, then Foreman. Chase, you're just not ready yet.
Dr. Wilson: Hayfever?
House: You must be a doctor at everything.
House: Differential diagnosis. On your marks, get set...
Dr. Foreman: Hallucinations could be caused by...
House: Whoa! Wait for it. And... go.
House: And you stay away from the patient.
Dr. Cameron: What did I do?
House: You'll just get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl, and insinuate yourself, and end up in a custody battle.
House: What the hell is this?!?
Dr. Cameron: Black walnut and ginger.
House: It's nice.
House: I should have been out of here 20 minutes ago.
Nurse Brenda: You got here 20 minutes ago.
House: (to a botched circumcision patient) I'm going to get a plastic surgeon, and put the Twinkie back in the wrapper.
Brad: (talking about circumcision) I got a pair of box cutters.
House: Just like Abraham.
House: Cancer doesn't make you special. Molestation, on the other hand...
Dr. Wilson: (I'm) with a patient...
House: Is she dying?
Dr. Wilson: No.
House: Then she can wait.
House: The tumor is Afghanistan, the clot is Buffalo. (everyone stares) Does that need more explanation?
Dr. Wilson: We can't do exploratory surgery on her brain!
House: Are you sure you're not a neurologist?
Dr. Foreman: We could bolt her to the table.
House: Gruesome and low-tech. Kiss me, I love it.
House: Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?
Dr. Cuddy: Are you high?
House: If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted.
Dr. Cuddy: It's Wednesday.
House: You're dying, and suddenly everybody loves you.
Dr. Wilson: You have a cane - nobody even likes you.
House: I'm not terminal - merely pathetic. You wouldn't believe the crap people let me get away with.
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