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Housisms for episode Que Será Será:

The team encounters logistical problems while trying to run tests on a 600-pound man due to his extremely large size. Meanwhile, House spends the night in jail after being arrested by Detective Tritter for various charges, including resisting arrest.



House: Oh right, places to go, people to eat.

House: This is all because some cop came into the clinic. I was rude to him. This is his way of getting back at me.
Howard: You've made it pretty easy.
House: His insane reaction to a simple rectal thermometer reading, probably says a lot more about his mother than it says about me.

Dr. Cameron: We have a case.
House: Fat guy in a coma, I know.
Dr. Chase: Cuddy told you?
House: No, the wall between Wilson's office and this one is thinner than you think. That means we need to stop talking about what a pathetic loser he is.

House: Who knew that being bloated and bitchy could actually come in handy?
Dr. Cameron: Shut up!

House: Start treating Jabba for Pickwickian Syndrome. His 96ZZs are probably putting pressure on his chest, suffocating him
Dr. Foreman: His CO2 and oxygen stats are normal.
House: For you and me. What's normal for a hippopotomus?

House: What did you find out?
Dr. Cameron: That you and George have the same taste in home furnishing and women.
House: Danish modern and Russian gymnasts?
Dr. Cameron: Pianos and prostitutes.

Tritter: People who are innocent tend not to try to hide their arrest.
House: Is that based on your years of experience of arresting innocent people?

House: Okay, I give up. Who was it? Who in your family had the weight problem?
Dr. Cameron: You think I can only care about a patient if I know someone else who's been through the same thing?
House: You care for everybody! You only lie and stand up to Cuddy for a few.
Dr. Cameron: You lie for everybody and only care about a few!
House: You're avoiding the question.
Dr. Cameron: I like damaged people, remember? Explains everything I do!
House: Almost everything. It wasn't you, was it?
Dr. Cameron: Does it matter?
House: No, but it would be interesting.
Dr. Cameron: Sorry to disappoint you. Sometimes the answers just aren't that simple.

House: Hey, Gomer Pyle! I know you can hear me!
Tritter: I think you mean Barney Fife.
House: So many great idiot icons to choose form.
Tritter: You need time to think of some more?
House: Either arraign me or let me go.
Tritter: No problem, which do you prefer?

Dr. Wilson: Better get yourself a lawyer.
House: Already got one.
Dr. Wilson: You know what they say about the lawyer who has himself as a client?
House: Same thing they say about the doctor who lends 15 grand to a friend he knows can't pay him back.

House: I'm not a pain doctor, I'm a pain patient.

House: Cameron sees a clump of dirt and she thinks of me.
Dr. Wilson: Or a lump of something else.

Dr. Foreman: Where are you going?
House: To get a $400 butt-plug.
Dr. Cameron: What about George?
House: He's going to have to get his own.

Dr. Cameron: Where are you going?
House: The butt-plug was my way of saying "None of your business." Apparently too subtle.

George: I am not diabetic!
House: Grocery stores giving away medical degrees with the free turkeys now?

Dr. Wilson: Selectively irrational, stubborn, uncooperative, maybe you ought to check his leg.
House: Muahahahaha!

House: This conversation is over, because I've officially run out of clever things to call the guy.

House: So your arm only hurts after you lay on top of it all night?
Patient: Yes.
House: Have you ever thought about.. I don't know.. not doing that?



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