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Housisms for episode Merry Little Christmas:

Wilson arranges for House to make a deal with Tritter, but House refuses. Meanwhile, Cuddy cuts House off Vicodin and removes him from the team's case: a 15-year-old little person who entered the hospital with a collapsed lung and anemia.



House: (to Cuddy after she suspends his privileges) You're gonna come begging me to save this girl long before I come begging you for pills.

Tritter: I spoke with the D.A. He agreed to two months in a rehab facility in exchange for a guilty plea.
House: Get out of my office.
Dr. Wilson: No jail time.
House: Right. I should get locked up in some place I don't belong in order to avoid getting locked up in some other place I don't belong.

Clinic Doctor: Gabapentin is not really gonna help with the sleep.
House: Oh... is there something else you can give me?
Clinic Doctor: Vicodin is your best bet with sleep issues.
House: Thanks so much.
Clinic Doctor: Unfortunately our policy forbids prescribing opiates to new patients.
House: How can a clinic have a rule against relieving pain.
Clinic Doctor: Just with opiates. We find it helps us weed out drug-seekers.
House: You think I'm a drug-seeker?
Clinic Doctor: I'm not saying that.
House: Well then give me the Vicodin.
Clinic Doctor: I can't.
House: ...because you think I'm a drug-seeker.
Clinic Doctor: I just said I didn't.
House: No... you said the policy was to stop drug-seeking, then you said I'm not a drug-seeker, policy doesn't apply.
Clinic Doctor: I'm sorry, that's the policy.

Dr. Wilson: House! Just give me a minute. You're afraid of the pain.
House: (brandishing his cane) You're not?

Dr. Foreman: I get why you don't want to go to rehab. But only an idiot goes to prison for being stubborn.
House: Only an idiot stands between Ahab and his whale. Move.

Maddy: My daughter and I both have cartilage-hair hypoplasia. Think you can make a pun out of that?
House: Yes, but I don't want to be insensitive. She's got a bit of a short fuse, doesn't she?

Dr. Cameron: What are you going to do?
House: I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, and embrace my own. The usual.

House: Cuddy thinks it's idiopathic. "Cuddy" and "idiop" being the relevant parts of that sentence.
Dr. Chase: Well I'd say TB, but Cuddy's already ruled it out.
House: And you'd be just as big an idiop as her.

House: I'm certainly curious about the logistics. Did you stand on a table?
Dr. Cameron: House!
Maddy: Pretty much he'd lay flat and spin me.
Abigail: Mom!

Maddy: Being different, you get used to people's idiocy. It's still beats the hell out of actually being an idiot. (House smiles) What?
House: Care to go for a spin?

Dr. Foreman: You just don't want a cancer diagnosis because then you have to deal with Wilson.
House: Lung cancer is a lame diagnosis. Avoiding Wilson is an added bonus.

Dr. Foreman: Where's Cuddy?
House: (breaking and entering) In this drawer; it's a rescue mission. But I've got it under control, you can leave.

House: We both know that my pride far surpasses my instinct for self-preservation. You want to redeem yourself, give up now.
Dr. Wilson: And you'll go to jail.
House: I've done nothing wrong.
Dr. Wilson: And you'll go to jail.

Maddy: Are you high?
House: Higher than you.

House: Can we forget my vices, get back to my virtues?

House: (to Wilson) Look, there's Jesus. Go tell the Romans.

Tritter: Merry Christmas,
House: And a happy "Go to Hell!"



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