Total Isms in the database:
1439
1439
Housisms for episode One Day, One Room:
While House is forced to work full-time in the clinic and deal with a rape victim who insists on confiding with him, Cameron deals with with a terminal cancer patient trying to take advantage of her state of mind.
House: You want me because I don't want you.
Eve: I'm raping you?
House: In a more annoying, non-traumatic....
Eve: Get out!
House: Haven't you ever seen an Afterschool Special? Dawson's Creek?
Patient: I have an STD?
House: No, but you will. Every person who comes in here has one thing in common: having SWS, "Sex While Stupid."
House: If we were to care about every person suffering on the planet, life would shut down.
House: We are selfish-based animals crawling across the earth, but 'cause we've got brains, if we try really hard, we can usually aspire to something that is less than pure evil.
Doctor: He swallowed a magnet. We gotta cut it out.
House: (to the kid) How old are you?
Kid: Eight.
House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge. Darwin says let him die.
House: If we talk about nothing, nothing will change.
Eve: It might.
House: How?
Eve: Time. Time changes everything.
House: That's what people say, it's not true! Doing things changes things; not doing things... leaves things exactly as they were.
Dr. Cuddy: Is that Vicodin?
House: Breathmint; thought you were going to kiss me.
House: Perjurer.
Dr. Cuddy: Felon.
Dr. Wilson: She's looking to connect with you, and that's what's scaring the hell out of you. Tell her the truth.
House: There is no truth.
Dr. Wilson: Are we role-playing? Am I you? I don't wanna be you!
House: (after looking up the patient's nose) It's beautiful! If my lawn were half as well maintained as that, pigeons wouldn't have the nerve to poop on in.
Patient: Good grooming is important.
House: Is that a shot?
Patient: People do judge you on your appearance. When you entered, I noted your shirt hadn't been pressed, you hadn't shaved in quite some time, I extrapolated you were a person for whom detail was not a major concern. I was worried you might apply that same standard in your work.
House: Do you use toe-nail clippers up there?
Patient: They're longer, so they allow me to better reach the upper hairs.
House: I'm wearing a rumpled shirt, and forgot to brush my hair this week. You've got athlete's foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.
Dr. Cuddy: She's gonna be okay.
House: Yeah, it's that simple.
Dr. Cuddy: She's talking about what happened. That's huge. You did good.
House: Everyone will tell you; That's what we gotta make her do. We gotta help her, right? Except we can't. Instead we drag out her story, and tell each other that'll help her heal. We feel real good about ourselves. Maybe all we've done is make a girl cry.
Dr. Wilson: Then why did you...
House: Because, I don't know.
Dr. Wilson: You gonna follow up with her?
House: One day, one room.
House: Who's here for a runny nose? (a couple of people raise hands) It's a cold! It will get better. Go home!
Pharmacologist: Should I get a sedative.
House: No, I'm good, thanks.
House: I'm evil.
Eve: Evil people don't say they're evil.
House: That sounds like an easy loophole.
House: (as a patient takes his pulse) How many beats?
Patient: 26.
House: (astonished) Either you suck at math, or you're about to die in two seconds! (waits a few seconds) You suck at math!
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